I saw him for no more than two seconds. He was sitting on the front steps of a shop whose shutters were down. He must not have been more than five years old. And it was this presence of his in the big, bustling business district that caught my eye.
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Now playing: Bryan Adams - Summer Of 69
via FoxyTunes
I have just finished reading a book titled ‘Entry from Backside Only – Hazaar Fundas of Indian-English’ by Binoo K. John. The book is about how we Indians have gone ahead and made the Queen’s language our language by inserting Hindi words into long-drawn English sentences and by making some English words (such as public, party, because etc.) very much a part of every day Hindi vocabulary.
And then, of course, there’s the undeniable manner in which we Indians can alter the rules of spoken English to suit our needs and yet, the person at the receiving end of such a speech is able to perfectly comprehend what the crux of the matter is. There are quite a few hilarious examples quoted, such as the professor in a college who admonished the boys throwing paper balls at girls from a gallery with the words ‘Why you do that? Under standing people will get hurt!’
Excerpt 1:
One of the classics of writing in Indian-English is the letter by a train traveller to the authorities of the Indian Railways pleading for the introduction of toilets. Many newsletters and other journals brought out by the Railways contain this masterpiece.
Okhil Chandra Sen wrote this letter to the Sahibganj divisional railway office in 1909:
“I am arrive by passenger train Ahmedpur station and my belly is too much swelling with jackfruit. I am therefore went to privy. Just I doing the nuisance that guard making whistle blow for train to go off and I am running with lotah in one hand and dhoti in the next when I am fall over and expose all my shocking to man and female women on platform. This too much bad, if passenger go to make dung that dam guard not wait train five minutes for him. I am therefore pray your honour to make big fine on that guard for public sake. Otherwise I am making big report to the papers.”
It is said that it was this letter that resulted in the railway authorities introducing toilets in Indian trains.
Excerpt 2:
Jug Suraiya, in his long career in the Times of India, caricatured Indian-English with rib-tickling effect…On 2 May 2005, Jug wrote this bylined article in his favourite epistolary style, from an Indian-English user of the Oxford dictionary. The occasion for such pieces, which comes when a revised OUP edition is published with new Indian usages and words, is a cause for celebration and opinions are expressed about how Indians are now rightly striking back at the empire.
“My head is eating circles and circles over all this golmal about new Oxford University Press (OUP) Advanced Learner’s Dictionary having Indlish (i.e. Indian-English) wording-From A for ABCD (American Born Confused Desi) to Z for zulm (cruel treatment i.e. Police doing zulm by giving danda to publics committing nuisances in frontside of mantrijis dwelling abode in capital) – we are using in our daily to daily gup-shup. One auntyji, whose good name and hailing from what native place I am not knowing but putting up at my backside itself, is telling that it is a very shame-shame business which will make us laughing joke of whole world as because of our khichri way of speaking. Just I am saying her, please not to take it otherwise but what it goes of your worthy father if all outside people learning our bhasha which even if I am telling myself is too good only.
We are not needing OUP dictionary to be knowing that all such talks are not bogus lafra but simply way we are speaking from Kapurthala to Kanyakumari, ay-ay-yo. Loin in Punjab is not private part which decent gentry not mentioning in front of convent educated ladies and small baba-log but big animal first putting up in jungle and now in cage in joo where people paying money to come and see it. Any gujarati snake is not king cobra, not even on Narendra Modi, but just it is time-pass like ghatia.
And suchlike that all Patelbhais are having between morning tiffin and nightly dal-bhat. Outside gentry not having inside khabar on loins and ‘snakes’ and joos was getting too much shocked and ghabrooed and telling that India is most third class and hopeless place full of rascal people that is best avoid karo.
As first to first attempt to show outside world how we are speaking, OUP dictionary deserves shabashi. Tourist people and foreign sethijis and moneybags will now be knowing that
OUP editor, kindly to ensure correction of all such omissions, commissions and kickbacks. And how it is that OUP is telling that is dictionary of ‘Current English’ when whole brother-in-law world, i.e. puri Sali duniya, is knowing that current English is same to same as current Hindustani except letterings are in Roman script, not Devnagri? Please to be doing needful. Bahut shukriya aur hazar thanks.”
Anyway, this being the season of weddings, I had to go to a gift shop to buy a suicidal nut a gift for his reception. Mom and Dad decided to come along as well.
Shopkeeper: Aiye, aiye. What can I do for you?
Dad: We need to buy a gift…
Shopkeeper: Anything specific… any particular occasion?
Me: Umm…Yep. I need to buy a wedding gift.
Shopkeeper (looks at me and smiles understandingly): Oh sure, sure. So, what kind of gift would your fiancé like?
Me: GRRRRRRR !!!!!!!!
What Kind of Girl Will You Fall For? | |
 | You will fall part for the cutie. You like girls with a personality. She's got to have a nice smile and a sense of humor. Although she doesn't have to be a model, she has to be that girl-next-door. |
 | You will fall part for the independent woman. You like girls that'll put up a fight with their words and their fists. Her conversation must be stimulating and controversial. She's got to have her own friends, her own car, and her own place. Most importantly, she can't be a "barnacle-on-a-whale" type. |
| Find Your Character @ BrainFall.com | |
It’s been a long day and I’m dead tired to say the least. Things got really complicated (as they tend to become around me, don’t ask me how I manage it ~grins~) over the weekend and I am absolutely sleep-deprived right now. Somehow, though, I can’t seem to find it in me to drop off to sleep.
And although I would just love to write a really long post, I’m just too weary. Pleasantly weary though. Nothing like a day when you’ve worked hard and know that it’s been worth every minute of it.
And so, I’m going to calm my nerves by jotting down the lyrics of a song that I’ve been hearing repeatedly on my iPod. It’s one of those songs which always makes me smile and brightens my day up, no matter how it might have been up till that point.
I see trees of green
Red roses too
I see them bloom
For me and you
‘What a wonderful world’
And clouds of white
The bright blessed days
Dark sacred nights
‘What a wonderful world’
So pretty in sky
Are also on the faces of people going by
I see friends shaking hands saying ‘How do you do’
They’re really saying ‘I love you’.
I watch them grow
They'll learn much more than I'll ever know
‘What a wonderful world’
Which Friends Character Are You? | |
 | You are Joey. You may not be the sharpest knife in the drawer, but you're unrivalled when it comes to the opposite sex. You're a great friend, going great lengths when needed. Remember: your friends are your lifeline and you'd better not leave them behind. Success will be hard to find without them around. |
| Find Your Character @ BrainFall.com | |
I finally decided to join Facebook albeit with a bit of scepticism. After all, I already am on Orkut and a man can get tired of social networking sites. But, I must admit, I’m already hooked to Facebook.
I guess the reason is because it bundles quite a few things together. First, there’s unlimited photo storage, unlike Orkut, which I think has currently put a limit of 50. Next, there’s the cool Flixster application where you can keep track of the movies that you and your friends have seen. Also, there’s the Books application whereby you can keep track of books that you’ve read, edit reviews and rate the books. And of course, there’s Scrabulous. I haven’t played much, but I have a feeling I’m gonna get hooked.
All in all, much cooler than Orkut. However, it’ll take some time to build my friends network there, most of my pals are on Orkut.
P.S. – I know the column on the right shows that I’m currently reading ‘The Toyota Way’, but I’m also reading ‘The Story Of My Life’ by Helen Keller. I wasn’t really sure I would like the book, but then this bit on the first page itself caught my attention and I knew that I just had to read the book:
Richard Branson recounts how he went along the idea of having fun and as a by-product created the Virgin group. An extremely inspirational book, it documents how he started off with a vision of creating a national student magazine, stumbled into the music business, ventured into the music retail industry only because of a postal strike and then, one fine morning, thought of starting Virgin airways because, in his words, “it sounded like a lot of fun.” All in all, a delightful read. I would give this book a rating of 4 out of 5.
Much water has flowed under the
Let that sink in…
But let me get back to where I originally started this post. Let me recount the events as they happened on that fateful day.
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24th September 2007
It is a dark and wet Monday evening in
Harsh and I keep munching at a regular pace even though we are hypnotized by the match. Ravi, being his usual self, sips his tea in a manner which would’ve fooled you into believing that he was a MCC member having his cuppa on a bright Sunday morning at Lord’s where
By the time the 19th over of the
Last over and 13 runs required. Dhoni hands over the ball to Joginder Sharma who, let’s accept it, at his pace doesn’t really put the fear of the Lord into you. I look up at Harsh and he has this very nervous smile on his face, as if telling me, ‘Oh Dear!’ With a deep breath, I turn to look at the TV.
Wide.
Darn!! What the hell was Joginder doing??!! You already have a Misbah-ul-Haq at the crease who in the previous India-Pakistan encounter had almost pulled off an incredible win for his team. In any case, he’s also one of the biggest six hitters of the tournament with that massive 111m hit (only to be outdone by Yuvraj Singh’s monstrous 119m six). And then you bowl a wide to make it only 12 runs required to win the match and the trophy?!!
Dhoni runs up to Joginder and it seems whatever he’s told him has worked since the next ball is a dot ball, although it was outside the off stump and very lucky not to be called a wide.
I breathe easy for a moment…only just.
Joginder bowls the next ball and Misbah shuffles across his stumps and hits the ball high in the air. For a moment I’m hopeful that some Indian fielder at long on will get under it and take the catch. But all my prayers seem to have come undone when Ravi Shastri screams, “This is six! It’s a magnificent strike!”
Gosh! How could this have happened? We had almost won it…how could Misbah do this to us…again? Will he make amends for his mistake at
The dining hall has gone very silent…the only sound that can be heard is of the cutlery striking against each other. Even the waiters and stewards have been struck by horror as they stare at the TV screen and forget to take orders. What orders? Even the diners are staring dumb-struck.
Disappointed, I look at Harsh. The story is written all over his face: only one big hit and
Joginder runs up to deliver his next ball. Misbah tries to get cheeky by walking across the stumps and loops the ball up in the air behind the wicket.
OH MY GOD!! Is this the moment which will haunt our nightmares forever? Has Misbah just become the Javed Miandad for this new generation of Indian cricketers and Indian cricket lovers?
But wait a minute! There’s a man underneath it…and it is Sreesanth. Sreesanth, the man who can reduce to mockery his tremendous talent by letting his emotions take control of him. ‘Oh God, please, please let Sreesanth take the catch!’
Sreesanth fumbles slightly…but finally manages to hold on to the ball!!
THAT’S IT!!
The hall at Ordnance Club erupts with middle-aged pot bellied uncles jumping in joy and banging their beer glasses. High-society aunties scream and clap their hands in glee, all the while making sure their silk sarees are not out of place.
I jump and shout with joy!! I look at Harsh, whose reaction has been much the same as mine. I rush up to him and we hug each other and continue jumping while screaming ‘Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!’ My heart hasn’t beaten this hard in quite a while. We just can’t stop the momentum and keep jumping and shouting.
We pause to look at
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I write this down because this is one moment of unimaginable joy for me as an Indian cricket fan. This moment will be one which we will remember the rest of our lives, much like our fathers remember the exact moment when Kapil Dev lifted the Prudential Cup at Lords.
---------------- Now playing: Amit Kumar & Chorus - Dekha Jo Tujhe Yaar via FoxyTunes
So when I said 'I hope I haven't overlooked any nicknames'...see what I missed out !!!!
ii) Shark: Tushar (my room-mate during my 2nd year of college), myself and Mini are great friends. And one of the many things that binds us together are the nick-names that we gifted each other…Mini gifted me the title of ‘Shark’, I gifted her the title of ‘Dolphin’ and we both together gifted Tushar the title of ‘Whale’. A few more friends like us, and the world would resemble an aquarium.
Philip Pirrip (better known as Pip) is the central character of Charles’ Dickens fabulous piece of literature titled ‘Great Expectations’. He has a great friend named Herbert Pocket, who, like Pip, has the habit of falling into debts with alarming regularity. What is most lovable about both of them is that well knowing that they shall repeat their mistakes the next time they have cleared off their previous dues, they keep looking at their accounts at the end of each month and consoling each other with the words, “We must do something about this.” Obviously, come the next month and they’re again knee-deep in debt.
Prashant Chaturvedi and I have had a similar brush of experiences when it came to preparing for our college examinations. Both of us knew that the other fellow was moderately intelligent and is deserving of much better marks than the report card ever cared to show. However, before each exam, Prashant and I used to wonder how we, as a rule, always managed to postpone our studies for the last minute before examinations only to realise too late that it was hopeless to even try to begin studying barely 48 hours before an examination. And, oh yes, we also told each other the famous words… “We must do something about this.” That fateful day onwards, I’ve referred to him as Herbert and he has called me Pip.
She quietly looked at him for a few seconds before asking, “Will you ever be satisfied? Will you ever have enough?” The tinge of irritation was all too apparent.
“NEVER!!” he barked back. “I shall never have enough. The sole reason why humans were placed on earth was so that they are never satisfied. It is foolish to think of being satisfied. Look around you. The world today is what it is because man over centuries has remained unsatisfied. The moment we become satisfied with our surroundings, with whatever we have achieved, all progress will come to a screeching halt. Don’t be greedy, but stay unsatisfied.”
She was overcome by the force of his argument, and his fiery gaze. She lowered her eyes and quietly walked away.
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Namak Halaal (1982) is one of my favorite Amitabh Bachchan movies. In many way, this is a typical '80s Hindi film. This Prakash Mehra film had all the elements of a blockbuster then (and even now, perhaps). Comedy, drama, love, songs, murder, good-wins-over-evil...The following scene from the film is brilliant because Amitabh, the superstar, decides he will make himself a buffoon. He isn’t scared to make the paying audience laugh at his expense. (In fact, he's already done so earlier in the film, when he does the 'Pag ghunghroo baandh Meera naachi thi' number).
The scene unfolds thus. Amitabh, the country bumpkin, has come to the city to get a job. His friend has put in a word to the manager of the hotel (Ranjeet). But in order to impress him further, the friend advises Amitabh to speak like a champion and thereby impress the manager. Amitabh, the village simpleton, takes this advise most seriously and proceeds to try and impress Ranjeet.
The following is a transcript of the scene. I tried searching for the transcript on the Net, but couldn’t find a single site where the transcript was correct to the letter. So, I downloaded the scene and played it over and over again to write down the dialogues bit-by-bit. The result is well worth the effort, I feel.
Here we go…
[Amitabh and his friend enter the hotel manager’s (Ranjeet’s) chamber]
Ranjeet (to Amitabh’s friend): Oye, tumhara dimaag kharaab ho
Amitabh: Lo kallo baat. Babuji, hum cheej nahin hain. Maara naam Arjun Singh vald Bhim Singh vald Dasrath Singh hai. Lakhanpur gaav ke rehne waale hain, Inter pass hain, gaav mein sabse avval number aaye the. Maare gaav mein, maare daddu aur main hi sabse zyada padhe hain, baaki koi chauthi pass nahin hai. Shaher main aane se pehle maare daddu ne humko teen baatein sikhayi…pehli baat, paraayi aurat aur paraayi daulat pe haath nahin rakhna, haan. Doosri baat, jiska namak khao uski namak halaali karna. Teesri baat, anyay ke saamne sar nahi jhukaana. Bolo, maare daddu ne theek kaha ki nahi kaha??
Ranjeet: Tumhaare daddu ne bilkul sahi kaha. Ab tum sheher mein aaye ho, aise hi baatein karoge ya tumhe English vagera bhi aati hai?
Amitabh: Lo kallo baat ! Arre babuji aisi English aave that I can leave Angrej behind!! You see sir, I can talk English, I can walk English, I can laugh English because English is a very funny language.
Bhairon becomes Baron and Baron becomes Bhairon because their minds are very narrow. In the year nineteen hundred and twenty nine sir, when
An exasperated Ranjeet, who has been drowned into silence by this volley of English from Amitabh, shouts: OH SHUT UP !!!
Amitabh continues: …similarly, sir, in the year nineteen hundred and seventy nine when India was playing against Pakistan in Wankhede stadium, Bombay, Wasim Raja and Wasim Bari they were at the crease, and Wasim Bari gave the same consideration to Wasim Raja and Wasim Raja told Wasim Bari, “Look, sir, this ultimately has to end in a consideration which I cannot consider. Therefore, the consideration that you’re giving me must be considered very ultimately.” Therefore the run that they were taking, Wasim Raja told Wasim Bari, “Wasim Bari, you take a run.” And ultimately both of them ran and considerately they got OUT !!!
Kepler Wessels
She: Why did you have to do that? You must learn to adjust to the circumstances and accept things as they are.
He: Sorry, I disagree with you. If we continue to accept things – to adjust to the circumstances, then circumstances are only going to stay as harmful as they already are, if not get worse.
Moreover, what’s the use of a brain if we are to only ‘accept things as they are’…we might as well be brute animals. It is up to you to decide whether you want to be a product of your environment or you want the environment around you to be a product of you.
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