The Bittersweet Symphony

Had an hour long talk last night on the phone with an old friend. In fact, he's one of those people who I don't speak to for, say, a month. And then, the day we talk, we try to catch up on everything that has been going on in the other person's life and hence, the discussion always extends beyond an hour.

Now, owing to the Business Law lecture yesterday morning at 11, I had to wake up after a very short sleep (yeah... I slept at 7 in the morning and woke up at 10:30). And despite this, I was feeling pretty ok and not drowsy at all, although the cuppa of tea at the mess helped greatly.

However, late last night, after the phone call, I just couldn't sleep. I don't know what it was that kept me up, but although I felt tired and drained, I just kept sitting in front of my laptop in my darkened hostel room. This was around 3 or so in the morning, so the noises of the hostel were already quietened and all that I could hear was the silent whirring of the fan. And for some reason, I kept staring at my desktop, which for about the last 2 weeks, looks like this:


I kept staring at the picture of Kali Ma (the photograph is a capture of the deity at Kalighat Temple, Calcutta) and wondering what the purpose of life was. Somehow, I felt that I was just wandering around life aimlessly, not knowing what exactly I wanted. To quote myself from a chat that I had with a close friend a few days back, "most of us are like rudderless boats rocking to the waves in the ocean of life...". (Recall Abhinav's post.) What exactly was my mission in life? The biggest trouble was that continuing with life without answering this all-important question seemed useless. Unfortunately, I don't have the time that a seer has, neither do I have the courage to give up all worldly pursuits and follow a philosophical pursuit of questions that a seer does.

I was then reminded of The Verve's song, "Bittersweet Symphony" (needless to mention, have already downloaded the song and heard it about 10 times back-to-back). Somewhere, the lyrics expressed the turmoil within...

"Cause it's a bittersweet symphony, this life
Try to make ends meet
You're a slave to money then you die...

No change, I can change
I can change, I can change
But I'm here in my mold
I am here in my mold
But I'm a million different people
from one day to the next
I can't change my mold
No, no, no, no, no"

[P.S. To all my dear well-wishers: Please don't worry, I'm not terribly upset or worried about anything. It's just that I'm thoughtful. The usual. ;) ]